


Family

by amdnj



Category: Kamen Rider Ghost
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 22:59:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7126897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amdnj/pseuds/amdnj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alan muses on living.</p><p>Spoilers for up to Episode 33. Written to feel like after that episode.</p><p>I didn't tag relationships because there's a lot of mentions due to polyshipping.<br/>Mentions of: Alan/Takeru Alan/Makoto Makoto/Takeru Alan/Makoto/Takeru are main ships. There are more if you squint however.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Family

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kitarin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitarin/gifts), [Ekala](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ekala/gifts).



> One day I'll spell it Alain instead of Alan

Pausing, staring at the others in front of him...he finds his heart...overwhelmed...in some sense of? He’s not sure. There are many words he’s learned but for every feelings he’s finally grasped there are hundreds of nuances of it still lost on him.

Perhaps its simply because Alan is still learning about everything. About feelings and people and humanity and family and mortality and care and about how your existence leaves an imprint on the others being that never leaves them.

That there is more to his own existence than his own feelings. That individual lives are more than that. Individual people matter not jsut because of their own feelings and actions and lives but because of the way their feelings intertwine. because of the way their lives curl around the other. Because not a single strand in the web of life isn’t knotted and entwined and important to another. 

**Because no strand is by itself.**

He catches Makoto smiling at Takeru, who’s too distracted discussing something with Akari...her cheeks dusted pink by the topic. Not that he has any clue what it is. But that matters not. Makoto’s smile fills his heart....And that fact that its’ at Takeru only...makes it feel better? And Takeru’s smile too...And Akari’s smile. And Kanon’s. And Onari’s. And Shibuya’s. And Narita’s.

**Because he isn’t by himself anymore.**

The first time he’d ever seen Makoto smile his heart swelled a completely different way that made him sick....frazzled and bursting with hot electric chills that made him want to explode.....anger and jealousy. The first time he’d seen this happy family....He felt his face grow warm and his eyes well with tears...and his core shatter and twist and scream....jealousy...envy....confusion...anxiety.

**Because he isn’t disposable anymore.**

Makoto turns and catches his stare....and his smile doesn’t break. It’s the same warm look. His heart swells and it hurts...but in a way that is pleasant. His heart flutters and yet is calm and content....he feels...whole...and loved.

**Because he is alive and not a tool to further anyone's plans....but a person to help better others lives.**

“Alan...?” And before his name made him feel real and important. Every time it was said it was because he forced it out of the lips of people that did nto acknowledge him. It was about reclaim his existence.

**That’s why it takes him so long to really let this idea of life sink in**

But now its.....just something he loves to hear. Makoto’s voice is like the night sky. Dark and bright....the shades of blue he’s always associated but in a way that ties around his heart and gives him the strength to continue...

When Makoto died, it hurt. But as scary as it is. As terrifying as it is that Makoto had given up immortality...That he...shattered in front of him. Tears. A painful gripping sensation in his heart that froze his body to his core....Fear. A shaking, rattling feeling that made him want to jump up and scream and kick and fight and force the pieces back together....desperation. A swirling typhoon of unknowns that fried him, that ripped his stomach apart and made it hard to breath in the mess that was his life....confusion and anxiety. It was not permanent. Because he still had a body. Still existed. Even if his brother had him. He was not lost.

....When Takeru died...It was....

His whole body flinches at the sheer idea of the feelings. A rejection of that ever happening...A need to....

Walking over to the table, he wedges himself between Takeru and Makoto...laying his head on Takeru’s shoulder and slipping his hand into Makoto’s....

...No one had told him that Takeru had already died...That the eyecon was his last resort. That he had a time limit. That he was continuously running on borrowed time and yet cared so intensely about everyone else over himself.

**Perhaps he wouldn’t have even understood anyway.**

...But as he moves his other hand into Takeru’s...as he squeezes both and catches Akari’s gaze...and hears Kanon’s laugh as Akari blushes a deeper shade of red from something she's said...and hears Onari laugh a long as well....when he looks over his family.....

His family that is a web of interwoven pieces where everyone matters because they matter to the other. Because everyone’s life burns brighter because of the way they are connected to the other....because together they can chose the path towards the future....because together....with the cries of everyone’s heart...and everyone’s feelings.....

...And he understands that he cannot just sacrifice himself to save anyone or defeat anyone unless it is a last resort.... 

Because his family was something that was better when everyone was alive and together to protect it...

And another piece of life makes sense to him.


End file.
